Woman of the fatherless tribe LOVE men differently.

Last night I sat down with my mom and we had a talk. A good talk.
I told her so many things about what I have been feeling for the past 8 months and a lot of the struggles that have come along with. I explained how I felt that nobody understood how I was feeling and that it was making me get to the point that I am distant from a lot of people. I told her how comfortable it's become to just be alone. To suffer by myself. The thing I also told her was that I couldn't stand to feel as if my life has paused while everyone else's progresses and evolves. It fucking sucks. I was a pool of tears with her by the end of it.

And for the first time ever I also said out loud with truth and fear that I didn't love him anymore. I don't. I'm just Hurt. Resentful. Shocked. Sadden.

I still wonder what about me wasn't good enough.
How much bad must I have done in order to deserve what I got.
You guys don't even know half of what he did.
And Those are the things I believe would maybe set me free.
but I take them to the grave.
Not for him, but because I couldn't stand the humiliation.
I would never be able to face myself in the mirror again.

Also because I am terrified of him.
I should have told his mother everything.
I should have pressed charges.
I should have reported it and let them get rid of him.
I covered for him too much.


for what?