Weigh what's really important.

I'm extremely annoyed in particular with the females I keep bumping into at work, the gym and even the conversations I over hear on the TTC. I constantly hear women talking about their bodies in such negative ways that it really saddens me to hear us as a sex getting weaker rather than empowered with the physical part of us. I'd be a hypocrite to not admit that I don't rip into myself from time to time. Who doesn't? But I strongly believe that until we force ourselves to begin to accept ourselves for who we are: well, we are going to be stuck in this pool of self pity and this ridiculous pedestal we feel that we need to attain.

After much self discipline and no will power, I forced myself to go to the gym. My motive today was to do ONE thing for me that would make me feel accomplished. It didn't matter in what shape or form. I went in there telling myself that it didn't matter weather I worked out for 10 mins or 2 hours. The point is, that I showed up and tried. And that's exactly what I did. I did my regular weights followed by some spinning. I decided to stay late and take my favorite Zumba class that kicks my ass every time without a doubt. But I was disturbed at the amount of conversation I could hear through my head phones in our line up into the work out room.

I'm so sick and tired of hearing people ESPECIALLY women talk about numbers. From their pant size to their weight. I am so fed up with seeing how women look at one another and judge. I was most importantly disgusted with how my instructor participated in this conversation and explained her "success" into her present physical appearance. I listened to them restrict themselves of foods and talk about their obligated routines in order to attain their idea of "fit" and "healthy". I had to force myself once again to sit through it and remind myself: I am not a failure because I dont view my lifestyle to have to be THAT way. After my class was done, I went to get dressed in the change room and once again these women began talking about calories, what their goal weights were and some even compared stretch marks. I could go on..

Despite the emotional wreckage I witnessed I kept my sanity by thinking: I was going to work out as hard as I could push myself. After an hour and a half of my workout, I was pooped. But I also felt great. Not only did I feel mentally more balanced than when I came in but I loved the feeling of reaching a goal. I felt in tuned with my body and I felt refreshed- as if I had just shed a layer of skin.

My point is this though. We all mingle with our friends and family about our weight. What we would and could change, what we hate, what we love, what doesn't fit.

I have recently become a strong believer in a "HEALTHY LIFESTYLE" . I think it's great to take care of yourself in every way but also it's nice to indulge in your favorite snack or a couple of beers. I believe everything in life is good for us within limitations and BALANCE.That is the key word!

So ladies and gentlemen, I leave you with this.

Your pants size will never tell you how beautiful you are.
The scale won't ever share a good quote with you.
a size O won't ever be able to hold all your passion, integrity, and drive.

Love who you are behind the physical. Begin loving your UNCONDITIONALLY. Start now - the journey is endless but quite rewarding.

Touch.

It's as if this time i'm the one that got left behind.
In scenarios like these: I know the pure spectrum of evolution.
A new leaf- if you will.

But i'm stunned, beyond unreasonable doubt on how to conduct my years.
I know longer know what satisfies me.
I know longer want what I once wanted.
No longer do I feel fulfilled with caresses or passionate nights filled with bottomless escapes.
Your words don't matter, our history no longer holds residence.
The spark has died. I no longer hold you on my grand pedestal.
I've told myself that this time I've dropped the story line.

I've thrown out ancient philosophy, forgotten the smell of spices and riches.
How do I en devour on something stunning?
A whole new world of possibility with new fortunes and passions?
How do I go about creating beauty out of ruins?

In scenarios like these, I tend to sing myself to sleep.
Followed by mumbling insanity that feels as if I'm suffocating in the nothing.
& I hold my pain TIGHTLY: like my entire life depends on it.

When you appear, Dear little girl of mine
Once again, for your regular routine of roulette,
Well.. I have more yearnings to offer up.

whispers

i need to find new sanctuary, somewhere far away from me.
I've become my greatest enemy, my strongest weapon.
I cut so deep, I bruise so easily.
I've learned to sustain the consequences and keep unfolding into nothingness.
I've become fearless, this always leads to some repulsive catastrophe

Show me how you burlesque .