Re-Live.

that night by the fire you listened to my story. I was so upset at everything and nothing. I bitched, my voice cracked, I even tried to look away but it didn't matter to you. You took it for what it was and said what I needed to hear. You made me forget the things that really don't matter and I laughed with you, I argued and you left me speechless. There have been times I've wondered what I ran away from before giving this a try.But maybe this was what we were always waiting for.
All I know now is I don't care where were going, I'm not expecting anything but i'm happy. You've given me hope.
It's something i've been longing for a while now.
He almost shattered it.


Don't grieve , everything you lose comes back in another form - Rumi <3

:)

I'm happy , because you've taught me that it's alright to be this imperfect .

Thank You :)

These Hoes.

I caved in, I put my hands up in the air and let you win, I tossed away one of the most important things in my life ; And you think you do me a favor by what you do? Go fuck yourself bitch ! You're replaceable and I swear to God your expiry date will hit soon. You aren't as perfect as you appear to be and he's realizing it.. TRUST ME !

< >

God, let me be wrong and let's call it a bluff. I don't want another name , another lie, another fail.

I just was ;
nothing more nothing less.
Then you happened and blew my mind away.

Plants Teachings .

it's as if i don't want time to stop. I want you to keep driving right into the night. Take the long way home ; i wanna never let this moment in time go. I feel the base rush through my entire body as i take a toke of nicotine. I've missed feeling this alive. The night looks quite promising , green lights smile at me. I then realize that I've done this all to myself and i am thankful. Thankful for lessons, for mistakes, for honoring the wrong doing. I have never been so excited to be wrong.
Welcome back .
I'm sorry for the wasted time .

:)

I have no clue what i'm doing but i promise to make it look like i meant for it all this way. It's about knowing how to lose at the end of the day and picking your battles.

I choose this one.

Details In The Fabric

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.


Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Another Lesson .

until i fall madly in love with whatever it was I use to love or love now, I won't ever be capable of loving a man so profoundly while holding my own love and balance. This is because I'll never know where to hang up the broken mirror I glue together everyday. And that's okay. Growth has never been so medicating to me like it has recently.

I wanna plant this seed .

You'll never know if you never do. And if you don't do how will you ever know?
Maybe regrets are for the cowards. Let's suppose what we once wanted had bad consequences. So what? 10 years from now you'll be with somebody else happily committed and laughing at the fact that we were so child like at one point in life. Weren't your regrets and mistakes what has you with who you love today?

TD.

Things to do before New Years Hits:

1. Finish writing for me in my 'journal'

2. Go up north by myself .

3. Make peace with er. .

4. Get high off of life before snow falls .

5. get my lilies tattoo` .

6. Sign up for those Yoga or boxing classes .

7. Have a ladies night .

To be continued... .

Expiration Date.

i don't expect you to understand what it is that's going through my head. I know I sound like a child and my voice is all high pitch from how much i'm trying to hold back tears. I'm not even angry at you. I've looked at the small print millions of times over at this point and you haven't broken any promises. I just got carried away. You ask me to be your friend but I can't do that to myself. I wish you could see it for what it looks like on the other side.
I asked you for O N E thing ; and you let me down so bad.

Get Mine, Get Yours.

Baby you pretend that things ain`t what they seem
All this tension on titlin just exactly what we should be
now I dont mind us bein some kinda casual thing
Listen all I want to do for now is have you come and take all of me.

For The Record:

I'm so fucking tired of hearing about it.
I don't wanna know. I don't wanna let it phase me.
When am i gonna come up with some defenses that actually work?

Yours Truly.

You came back but it was never the same.
Because an idea was placed into motion and now I don't trust you.
Any of you.
I found a safe place within a stranger.
And to be honest: I'm not sadden by it.
change will drive me .
& if I dare to fail again at least I know there's a lesson to be learned.
I guess it's true what Rumi said "don't grieve, everything you lose comes back in another form" and fuck.. was he right.

you found me.

i lost friends,
i regained some important relationships,
i let go of past loves,
i found closure,
i hit complete rock bottom,
i've began picking myself back up,
i kissed a stranger,
i spent an entire night embracing the present,
i realized my worth,
i learned to be still,
i realized my family isn't perfect,
i accepted that my flaws are a part of me.. not me,
being alone became okay,
i can be successful if i set my mind to it,
life is truly beautiful;

Summer 2O1O was my teaching.
It gave me hope <3

can someone ever promise not to hurt you?
With or without words: your eyes said otherwise.

Part 2.

I'm kicking and screaming. Pulling a tantrum. Like the time you kicked him out of our home. All for different reasons now. Why am I so disappointed? I feel so let down. I'm losing all my defensives. I've run out of weapons to fight with. The guns pointed straight at me now. Just pull the trigger; it would hurt less.

Las noches .

A passion for the idea of getting to know you. Our cards, stories, directions have a different calling but I don't care. It's more than obvious that there's a lesson placed in front of me. A lesson that I hope to take on with me. I beg for no trials, no losses, no fails. Are you ready? Because here I go.

ADLP .

I have never found something so complex.
so creative.
so delirious.
so beautiful.
complicated.
imperfect.
twisted.
just like me.

and i am so afraid.