I'm thinking of starting a project and i have a few ideas.

a fashion blog (for all body types)
a newsletter blog - taking on a world issue and writing a report on it.
and some..

I'm already excited.
I love the brainstorming part.

the end of a bottle- vodka,lithium whatever.
at this point i'd take any end of anything just for all the noise to zone out.

Lows.

she gets me then she doesn't.
i love her but fuck do i hate her at the same time.
he told me to wash away the past and say goodbye to blade imprints and too many tears.
it's a bitterness that can not be tamed from not even the most organic things that surround me. it's safe to say that I've been sneaking out of my bed late at night and gathering up the memories that no longer let me stay asleep.
I just don't know what to do with it all.
Shoe boxes can't hold them anymore.
my hearts become too bait.
Pieces of writing leave too much detail out.

Growing pains.

Wouldn't be lovely if we could all skip the lessons, the "friends" that leave your life, the broken hearts and get to being forty.

Hand in hand with your mate, your glass of wine in hand as you watch your little creations running around, laughing and skipping rope. As you look into the eyes of the youngest one crying because he scrapped his knee as he aimed to leave the training wheels behind. As the middle child tugs your dress to get your attention. As the oldest is telling his father about the soccer try outs and how they've picked him for defense.

I think it would be so lovely to be hand in hand with a balance.
With the things you want for yourself so desperately.

Growing pains, they're more than muscle aches, and getting grounded.
More than skipping class to smoke pot or sneaking out of the house past curfew just so you can watch the stars with the "love of your life".
They are pains that linger in your veins even as years go by. Even as you look back at being 16 and think "I would've done things differently".
They're more than trying to forget all the names that have come up on your love chart, or how maybe that fight with your friend at the age of 15 wasn't a big deal and if only you could of put your ego aside and worked it out, it would of blossomed into something quite beautiful.

Growing pains, fuck em.

I think i've had enough of not saying no.

Hey Bud.

you get to a point where you've stripped yourself so bare that crooked teeth and sharpened bones feel the ache just as much as your heart and flesh. Keep that in mind as you pray for forgiveness and protection to God at night and as you make your way through counting sheep.

and just like that.
my whole world came crashing down.

3:00 am.

Nostalgia is amusing.
The warm butterflies in your tummy, the sweat between your fingers, the anxiety through your chest, the grinning on your face.
The Laughter that came from the master bedroom and the tears on that intoxicated night.
You've always been my shoulder. With or without your presence you've dried my tears.
I have you for the millionth time in my body again, yet, I have never felt you so distant from where my residence has come to be.
Treasures are funny.
They are almost like yesterday's.
The texture is still the same, and the smell remains fresh.
You've always been good at leaving behind a piece of you. Whether it's in front of the mirror or deep inside my wound.
I have you for the millionth time, and I can only try to really watch out and remind myself , there's something else to learn.

Maybe if you listened more than you analyse you'd understand:
there's love, no doubt about that.
it just can be hard to sit and hold your hand.

Where did it all come crashing down?
How did I make some gaps through these walls and take you back?
As ridiculous as it sounds; I Love you more everyday.
It isn't fair at all.

Some Real Shit.. uncensored.

You silly little girls, you think Mr. Perfect is just gonna knock on your door and ask you to marry him. And you dumb-ass little boys, you think the first girl that reminds you of your mother, is gonna be the one to mother you. How silly both of you are. How unrealistic. How unreasonable. How optimistic. How much I envy you. Those ignorant few who still believe in love. I hope someone pees on your favorite pair of shoes. And I hope their expensive. And I hope its that really yellow kind of pee that you get when you don’t drink a lot of water… the guys know what I’m talking about. How I envy those who still believe in romance and how I envy those who couldn’t care less. It’s the in-between dweebs like myself, who really got it bad. Those who don’t ever really know what’s going on. Like you think you love someone, but than you don’t love them like ten minutes later and you wonder if it was really love or just really bad gas. What happens if you really like/love someone but due to some major influences or situations (family, religion, culture, religion, financial, religion) you are in, you are not able to be with that person. What if you could be with them but only under certain circumstances? What if those circumstances were so strict that it made it virtually impossible to actually participate in any kind of meaningful relationship? What if only one of you really cared to follow the rules that you both agreed on? What if you made plans to be with this person for the rest of your lives? What if only one of you actually agreed upon them? What if you were a stupid head and always loved what you couldn’t have? What if you just baited out your whole love life to hundreds of people that you may or may not know through a matrix device such as facebook, for example? What if Mr. Perfect actually strolled into your life and asked you to marry him? What if the first girl that reminded you of your mother, actually had the ability to mother you? Love really is a disease; it can only do wrong and forces people to do bad things, dumb things, things that they wouldn’t normally do under any other circumstance. It’s like a bad drug or a good drug depending on how you swing. I think I would like to be with her for the rest of my life, the only problem is we are way too young for such a serious commitment. Actually she claims to be way too young for a serious commitment, I’m all game. I should just kidnap her in the middle of the night and bring her to the Masjid with her one family representatives. Her four year old brother won’t even know what hit em. Sometimes I think she’s way to ghetto for me. Nothing against ghetto people, except that they tend to be annoying after a while, always involved in too much drama and have too many friends that are usually bad influences. I myself could be classified as a ghetto person which is why having another ghetto person would just screw everything up. She’s not as serious about religion as she wants to be. I’m not down with apathy and I need someone that really makes God a priority. She loves to shop. Too much. And I hate really pretty girls that are obsessed with the mall, like people who have $300 shoes on their feet and not enough change for bus fair. She’s one of those people, really bad with money and sometimes it’s gone before she gets it. Overall she’s pretty much a mess. Now that I think about it, I have no idea what we even have in common. Great, it’s settled than; I might as well cut off all communication with her immediately. I’m glad we had this conversation. My best friends are always the ones who don’t say a word and let me blab on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and O.k. you get the point. Plus in the eyes of religion, our relationship is somewhat not good. Very un-good to be exact. I mean it’s not like we do anything crazy out of line according to a kaffir mode of thinking, but still I sometimes feel guilty that we talk on the phone late or that sometimes we’ll hang out. I know this sounds very PG13 to some, but for the sake of any potential future we would have to be totally Halal. This stands out against my past like Malcolm X at a Klan meeting. I guess it’s never too late to start fresh and really try and live a more healthy and sovereign lifestyle. And to make it worse, she actually aggress with me. She’s cool with taking things extremely slow, and every time I try and get mad she is completely understanding. I hate her for that. I feel guilty even discussing my personal life over such a non-personal means but I do this only in the hopes that maybe people can learn from my experiences or understand what it feels like and maybe can relate to the idea of trying to have a healthy relationship. Nobody ever teaches us how to act civil around someone who you really care about, but by 13 years old I could snap off a bra off using Jedi mind tricks. She’s perfect. Honestly. As much as I try and down play how I feel, she has me weak. Brothers, I know sometimes we don’t like to admit it, but women have to ability to make or break us. In half, like twigs, if she is on your mind than you can’t really do anything. I’m supposed to be writing an essay on the way in which immigration is framed in the movie Men in Black, but instead I’m sitting here professing my love. And I’m sorry to all the sisters out there who I have ever lead on, but this is it, I’m officially resigning from the bachelor life. I want her, bad and forever. It’s a sickness I tell ya. I’ve never met someone so quick on their feet and her sense of humor makes conversation wicked all the time. She is caring and is the only person I will ever take advice from. I have never been so scared of someone in my life, not in like an abusive relationship kind of scared, but more like just of her rejecting me. I have made myself completely vulnerable, the first thing you should never do in war and this my friends has turned into dessert storm. Only now I’m just fighting for my dignity, I ain’t trying to go out like some sucker, but it’s almost too late. I don’t care what my friends or family think of her, it’s not like they would have anything to disagree over, but even if they did, I so wouldn’t listen. Everybody around me knows I can be stubborn, but for her I would tell the Sun to come back tomorrow. If she ever leaves me, I will just have to mutate into an asexual organism so that nobody will ever be able to take her place. I’m sorry for wasting your time with this. No big revolution talks from me today, just me being a KaKa brain and letting it all loose. You should try it sometime, it’s really refreshing. I should take the last few lines to perhaps promote something worthy, like maybe an upcoming show or a video clip of interest, but I’m too busy waiting for her to call me back. Do yourselves a favour, never fall in love.

/ Boona Mohammed

I want to give you some good, good lovin'.

Reggae is my life right now :D

I'm sorry.
I wish you suffered less too.
but i can't fake it.
I've never been a good liar.

I have a challenge.
I'm determined to grow as tall as trees, and shine as bright as pearly whites, and sing my triumphs up on stage for the whole world to see.
All this I will take away from you.
I keep insisting that I'm no woman like the woman I am when i'm with you.
I'll invest all my strength and time into blossoming beside you.
So that when we really do expire in each others eyes I can leave with my seeds and less scars too.

Heroin.

Like a bad habit. An addiction so deep in your veins. No amount of self love that can save you. because he's endless, past anything that's ever become a part of you. It becomes your sanity in moments of ruins. Your only truth.

And it scares you.
To the point that you wonder, "will this craving ever end?"

I don't know what to tell you anymore.
Just be prepared for the consequences of your recent investments.
Interest's high.

The hardest part of being alone.. getting too use to it.
<3

Truth .

I've never really written about it. Never fully given it recognition. I have always put it second, thought it was silly. I've packed it behind a dictionary filled with new vocabulary. I've disguised it behind a new red dress and black heels in the back of my closet.
I've almost let it sit there, watching from left to right so truly confused.
It's never had a home. No address, no destination, no foundation. No place to heal, no distinguished way to begin, no possible way to say goodbye.
I've never really written about it.
maybe it's time.

it's a little breath taking.
kinda funny in its own ironic way.
a little bit of a coincidence.
but it feels just right for the very first time.
for all the right reasons.

gotta love the one you're with.
and i've learned i have me,myself,& i.
here we go..

Love & other drugs.

i was getting ready for bed.
saying goodbye to the day.
thinking about the advice that a good friend gave me.
"keep pushing through".

then you called.
and made my heart sank.
____________________________.

you can't do this to me anymore.
i'm over feeling like i can't choose my direction.

"no signal" my phone went.
maybe a sign, possibly a salvation.
i won't answer the phone for the remainder of the night.
goodnight.

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

Quote(s) of the day.

In the end, I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest." A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.

- EAT.PRAY.LOVE.

Sharpen bones.

I have fault too?
All i ever tried to do was be a good person. I wanted to show him the world isn't a bad place, not everyone is out to get you.
I expected too much?
Kindness?Communication? Is that too much?
It's disrespect; it's as simple as that. Somebody can't take that much from you even if you've sorted out selections on the table.


I'm taking back my power.
to hell with him.

Detox.

My hearts aching, it's fist tight.
and my backs tingling, almost like fingers lingering down my spine.
my lips are yearning for the taste of our last kiss goodbye.
this all may sound silly but i became addicted too fast.
and now i sit here. in another time way too connected to the past.
nothing makes any sense. Non of it matters at all.
I am here.
you are there.
while our emotions float in the air.
i'd give just about anything to be next to you.
On this bed filled with photos, memories, sand and shells.
between these old hollow sheets that have no comfort, no molding.
just to be able to get high one more time.