Cleansing.

Another blog in the same day?! Maybe writing is the only way I find true satisfaction in what I am feeling. I mean, my heart can take so much sometimes. I gotta give it a break. Allow it to circulate some blood without the possibility of a heart attack along the way.

I argued some more with him today.I think he likes it, a lot. I think it makes him feel empowered. I give him what he wants. Damn Melina, you know how to pick them. Anyways, I've made a choice. A slow long process of a choice but it is a choice. Thanks to the help of Fonna, Michael, and Alex I have made some changes or plan to do so. I know that sometimes I sound like a broken record playing a bad song but I am really going to try to make this change and that's really all I can do right now. I also need to honor my triumphs more (even if they are little). I don't wanna fight with him. I don't want to be his enemy but sometimes the way somebody treats you really ripes you down to the bone. And being that bare is not an option to me anymore. I refuse to allow it. So, I am going to focus on the much better things coming my way and the beautiful gifts life has given me recently and not put energy into this matter. Because I think it's that exact action that has got me so vulnerable and naive.

I went to Mike's for a bit today. It was nice to get out. If I hadn't gone, I would of missed out on the beautiful day and killed myself with thoughts. We had burgers and ice cream. I know I can always feel safe and comforted by just being around him. I am lucky to have such good friends. He red me my tarot cards. It's so ridiculous how dead on these things can be. This isn't always a good thing. It confirms how much better I am if i just toss away certain people and characteristics of mine. But like he says, nothing is set in stone and I have full power and control at the end of the day. Probably more than I think i do to be honest.

(I realize i've kinda gone backwards). I spent my Saturday with my grandma. It's probably my last Saturday having dinner at her house now that I am starting this new awesome job. So, I went over and spent time with her, my grandpa, my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It really let me get away. Later on, I met a few friends at Fox and the Fiddle to watch the UFC fight. I've realized this week, I talk a lot. I think I need to cut it down lol.

I am trying really hard to look forward to the week. To see how much I got going for me. So, I am going to focus in school and my group sessions I go to every week. They are helping and I can see myself becoming empowered. I know I have a lot going for me. Just that solitude takes over sometimes. A lot, recently!

On a last note. I am reading a wicked memoir called ; "If I am missing or dead" by Janine Latus (Completes of Fonna who bought it for me over the summer). It's an autobiography about a womans struggle through a physical abusive relationship and has passed away but has left behind a letter explaining what occurred.

Anyways, I'm going to go read now. Maybe even make some tea.

Love you ladies (and I know ONE gent in particular reads this).

Ps. I got a blast from the past. But I think i'll save it for another blog.
Drunk texts sure do say a lot. He misses me. Oh Boy..