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There are things I always said I would take with me to the grave. Some have been exposed others still remain sealed. I'm nervous. Nervous like a child on their first day of school. This secret that I carry in me is gonna come lashing out if i don't guard it. Guard it with the things that numb the pain. Pain that is so pleasurable that you'd wonder if sex or chocolate are really the best comforts of the world. I've run out of bullets to shoot others down with the things I can not change. It wasn't you, it was me; everything of it was my own karma. My own calling in life. Because there's this mystery that nobody can ever solve. That thing I did that one night. From then on it was never gonna be the same. And then it became like a domino affect. With every person to enter my life, get ready for the best parade to hit town. You'll get wrapped up in feelings. The one thing you have no control over and that's where life makes you pay. It teaches you a lesson, takes away the things you will ever come to love the most. And you will hate yourself, you will do just about anything to numb the pain and then you will blame it on everyone that left, everyone that bashes you, that gives away your secrets that you have possessed. But you see, they never stick around for the greatest of them all and Girl, that's the one thing you need to forget. That night when you designed a plan that changed the entire blueprint of your life. This is why at night you can not sleep, this is why you can not put into words what you feel, this is why you cry and cry for somebody to care. Because every time you come up for air. To grasp enough lung power to lash your words onto someones canvas, that little girl inside comes over your mouth and shuts you up. She refuses to let you fold.