"Would like to be your friend"

Our tempers were impulsive, our addictions for the pills outstanding.
The urge to prove each other wrong? Way past our capability.
Our love for one another? Something so toxic that could not-can not be considered LOVE.
So why am I so worked out now that I've found you again after three years?

..I begin to remember, to feel, to hurt, to want, to reACT!
I can shut my eyes from the smile looking back at me and I can picture out by heart and memory where your eyes fall, where your lips meet, where your grin ends.
It's as if you never left,
NEVER left me behind.

Its as if the last three years were automatically forgiven.
One last game of roulette?

Living a double life.
Even I can't hide it anymore

The fruits have gone sour.
Milk cartons have reach expiry dates.
My time with you has clearly ended.

All i have to say is you don't deserve me.

Kelly Clarkson's new album is incredible! Here is my favorite song on off of it.

It hurts me so much to be so aware that I go to sleep with my heart this heavy and my thoughts everywhere.
Couldnt there be a way to silence everything?

The only thing I can think of is, I have more to learn.
Truth be told though, I have never felt such a challenge against myself.

A night out with a good friend.

Yesterday night finally arrived! I went to see Bedouin Soundclash & KOS at The Sound Academy with my friend, Ebonne.

Not only was it a great show, but It was great to have endless things to talk about with her while we sipped on some beers and waited for our bands to play.

I'm a huge Bedouin fan and Ebonne loves KOS (its really an understatement). So it ended up working out for both of us. The look on her face as she sang along to the songs and jammed out was priceless. It was a great experience and I am happy I got to share it with her.

I got to say a few words to the lead singer of Bedouin after the show; It completely made my night!

I cant wait for the next concert. It's a great way to connect with friends you dont see much plus reconnecting with some good inspirational music.

That's all for now <3
until the next one.

Cell.

Could I go back to basics? Have a second chance at no commitment with new faces? No engagement but to the game and what can physically come of this? Because emotions never have made it easy but my lack of self love has made me a target.

I'm a fugitive in the running for a better chance than the sentence i've committed myself to. Living in this part of life this far from you. Watching days become nights without any of you; is a constant reminder of how much I must've fucked up when we could've made up.

But that's the past and I know that shouldn't matter but how do you move forward if you've left behind so many lessons that were suppose to be memorized by now, and how do you forgive yourself and them too for the wasted time, the fights, the hair pulls, and put downs too? How can you let someone new inside of you-even physically when you're so hallow from the base all the way through?

I don't know what love making is anymore. Sex much less too.
The contact of two bodies, chest to chest, some sweet talking you.
Maybe I can give you the last dose, teach me what it is to feel something again?
Without making me look or feel like some sort of fool.

You know i'd be just about anything , if I had anything else to give you.
But I dont.. i'm as hallow as these sheets and in between body parts too.

You're killing my mind tonight;

It doesn't hurt as good as it did.
the pains finding a way in and I don't know where to hide this void anymore.
i miss you terribly.