The year of saviory

Merry Christmas readers! This has been a crazy year to put it lightly. I have experienced a lot of loss but have I ever found grace! Not only have negative moments turned into promising opportunities; but I fell out of love with agony and crazy in love with life. I can't say that I understood most of my heartache-shit, I don't even understand half of it now. And though I have moments where I wish for the universe to give me back all the things I had put time and dedication to, I'd never want to go back to what I thought was, home.

I've had some great friends and family by my side. I've rediscovered some of the things that use to make me feel, alive. I am so thankful for my cousins endless love for life and everything she's put into showing me the good side of this wonderful thing that we call life. My nephew has been one of the most beautiful canvas to appreciate this year. He is the most precious little guy who is full of so much joy. He has brought together our family and my relationship with the people that are apart of me. I've had some of the greatest laughs as we've sparked herb underneath maple trees, I've discovered peace in stillness above this crazy weather that has hit us all around the GTA, I've demonstrated forgiveness in the greatest of Havens.

My beautiful friends have gone to the moon and back for me this time around. Having to admit how weak and low I was, didn't come easy at all. Nights full of so much pain. Dealing with heartache that at times left me breathless. Having to swallow the truth of loss has burned way beyond me physically. I've had a layer of skin growing around my surface. My heart is not cold but rather thicker and pumping more fuel than ever. I am alive for the very first time in a long time! You are all my family, and I carry every single soul of yours within me.

I have such a huge thank you to give to my significant other. I know this year has felt endless and the struggles been real. I was so unsure for a long time of how I felt about us. I was almost sure I didn't want to attempt this. Somewhere between the loss and the rebirth; I found a love blossom within me for my favorite boy. I slowly saw myself shedding layers, embarking on journeys, beginning this journey of healing one another. You've been about the most amazing thing to happen to me! I would't change a thing because all that we were has made us everything that we are now. You've been my bestest friend and my greatest lover. You've given me a place where I feel like I finally belong. I can't even begin to explain the way you fill me with life when I think about all the things I want to be by your side. You make me humble, you make me kind. I love you babe xo.

To the many friends I've lost in the past year. I am so thankful for the priviledge in meeting every single one of you. At some point or another you all were exactly where I needed and wanted to be. I had some great moments learning all about the things that have created every single one of you. I've lost you all for different types of reasons. I apologize to anyone who's time and love I didn't value appropriately or in quantities. I wish that you all become the amazing humans that I found you to be. There was so much light that can never been out shined.

Happy 2013. To another crazy year full of many more moments, These moments that have made my life so rich

"Just tell me your secrets. I can't stand to see you leaving."

Heaven couldn't wait for you.

Darkest hour.

Please be aware that i'm ever changing and I understand that i've taken this a little too far. I'm been coming undone while trying to remain grounded. Your life has been the purity of everything that now moves me. As I watch everything around me dig a hole and find haven for the season; I'm still moving, i'm still swimming through the chaos and your face is all that I see. I'm just trying to remain woman as my canvas is stripped from all the things that were once marked as home.

i wish to not affect anybody anymore.

Northern routes,

I'm much more than this type of living. I can only make so many earnings and not exchange moments with the things I love. City life is full of too much noise. People following the wrong Gods of time. Somewhere out there, I've tasted, smelt, seen the most beauty of life. Out there beyond the pines as waves crash between lakes of waters; I see nothing but everything. Can you believe the enlightenment in the power of raw true real life? 23.

Queen B ,

Fuck what you heard. You're mine You're mine.

I wish I could find the thing that made me feel like you were the one I wanted for all my life.