te recuerdo.

Lo dejaría todo porque te quedaras
Mi credo, mi pasado, mi religión
Mi piel también la dejaría,
mi nombre, mi fuerza
Hasta mi propia vida

The last supper.

We all looked beautiful.After our long delay to the mountain tops of one of the most beautiful restaurants my eyes have ever seen.Much ranting and overwhelmed emotions: Tonight was our last night on this gorgeous island. We ordered lobster, fish and some beers. It had been our second time there that week but I had already felt like a regular. The cigarettes began sparking one by one, smoke filled the air, laughter began sinking through our entire table. We reminisced on our entire week. The amazing people we have met, the drunken nights, the silly jokes we had come up with. Slowly I found my hand find your leg underneath the ceramic, white table. You turned to look at me and smiled and you whispered in my ear "Could I kiss you?" My smile said it all.I wanted this moment to last forever. Safe between those I knew and excited between those I came to care for. I pushed the thought very far from my mind,body,and soul; I had less than 24 hours here.With you,with my roots, my ancestor's.
Later that night, you took my hands as we walked away from the music and conversations. Nothing mattered anymore. Just you and me against the world. And I reached up and kissed you. Kissed you like my sanity depended on it. You grabbed my waist and embraced my entire essence. "Promise me something: promise me that no matter what you do in life, you'll be great at it. Promise me you'll never believe a dream is too small or too silly. Promise me you'll remain beautiful". I looked deep into his brown Spanish eyes "I swear".

I'll never let you go. Not the memory nor the promises.
not the nights of lessons nor the ways I begun coming into my own.

i miss u.

Ego.

is it worth it? keeping it alive so you feel worthy? at the expense of losing those that have not done wrong by your name?
you think you save yourself your dignity but really, you look like a fool.
I can see past the facade, the sugarcoated frosting layered on top of insecurities and wrists wombs.
Yes, you have the right to ache but you don't have the right to be cruel.
I thought i'd just share with you something that took me a long time to understand: Your ego will destroy you if you don't learn how to tame it. It will make you lose some of the most important things in your life. It will lie to you, it will pretend to be your friend, it will trap you in believing that you are perfect.

You are not perfect. You are human.
You hurt, you bleed, you love, you make mistakes.
try to be a little human, try to be a little real, won't cha?

If you only knew the things that you've done to those that have no obligation to love you.

Content.

I'm not too sure.
Have I gotten use to the old way of things?
Or have i created a replica of how it was before nothing mattered?
I'm not too sure.
But i have this feeling that i'm just here in body, counting the minutes until the next time i get to feel life make its way through me.
I just can't remember a moment before that mattered more.
I have no clue as to what had me so restrained.
It's almost as if your demons can't hurt you, your future can't scare you, your past loves can no longer haunt you.
It's almost as if I broke from my shell, as if I've begun falling in love with every single part of my entire essence, as if i've embraced the imperfection and framed the triumphs.

It's quite the feeling.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to be completely honest with yourself.
"Who am I?" as I stare at the horizon. As I breath freely and i'm connected with my body and the universe. Us two as one have come into harmony.
Life gives me a challenge, a goal to attain.
Now go create yourself.

The other side.

Distance means nothing.
I'm still sitting beside you laughing,
drinking my pina colada as you light another smoke for me,
as i catch you look at me endlessly while i share a smile with my friends.
Time means nothing.
As you kiss my entire body and i let myself melt between sheets of sand.
While waves hit the shore and i feel my body and yours become one.
You were the perfect way to begin my journey, the most beautiful souvenir i could of found by the sea.
I've never felt so inspired.

Dejame atado a este amorrrr.

Oye Patria,

I want to ask you a question. Yes you.
Tell me what it feels like when you find yourself in complete solitude from everything that has ever hurt you and it feels just right. Tell me what you desire in that one moment when you can mimic the exact touch of your favorite lover all over your core. Or how about the contentedness your whole body receives as an achievement when you know you've done something beautiful for the universe. How about the feeling of taking a risk at someone else's expense and having no idea how it would hurt them? How about the hollowness in the core of your stomach because you can't swallow the truth of how destroyed and full of ruins your actual territory is? Or how about the powerless emotion that takes over you when you realize that you can't ever change the fact that life has a plan for you and you just have to wait it out?

I left my soul in Cuba.
Somewhere in a crowd filled with beautiful stories and outstanding smiles.
within the laughter of children and the singing of men.
Somewhere out there is the blond girl that was just still every night by the sea, with a smoke in one hand and a pen in the other.
<3