MAYBE.. it's all the mothering that's going on around me. I got this feeling inside that no amount of counselling will ever get my heart right back on track from the dysfunction that you still cause me even at the age of 20. No amount of apologizes will ever make me understand you, not even if you could rewind time and give me back years of my child hood. Even if you let me borrow your eyes so you could see what he did. I wish you could put my shell to your ears; maybe you'd hear the sea. All I know is. Eventually, i'll do it right. My off springs will love me, will want to call me, will never look at me with shame. I will sign that contract with blood and swear to be a mother until the end of my days. I will guard their hearts, save them from as much pain as possible. But most importantly: show them how much I love them. & that nothing.. NOTHING comes before them. - Nada.
the victim can never see through the eyes of the perpetrator, unless he too becomes a perpetrator.
ReplyDeleteI also thought that no amount of counseling could mend me, and then I finally went. Never underestimate the healing power of your mind. We as human beings, spiritual entities and creatures of unconditional love are remarkably resilient. You, my friend, are no exception to that. If you can see it in your mind, you can have it- you can be it.
Thank you :).
ReplyDeleteyour words are quite inspiring.