For The Record:

I'm so fucking tired of hearing about it.
I don't wanna know. I don't wanna let it phase me.
When am i gonna come up with some defenses that actually work?

Yours Truly.

You came back but it was never the same.
Because an idea was placed into motion and now I don't trust you.
Any of you.
I found a safe place within a stranger.
And to be honest: I'm not sadden by it.
change will drive me .
& if I dare to fail again at least I know there's a lesson to be learned.
I guess it's true what Rumi said "don't grieve, everything you lose comes back in another form" and fuck.. was he right.

you found me.

i lost friends,
i regained some important relationships,
i let go of past loves,
i found closure,
i hit complete rock bottom,
i've began picking myself back up,
i kissed a stranger,
i spent an entire night embracing the present,
i realized my worth,
i learned to be still,
i realized my family isn't perfect,
i accepted that my flaws are a part of me.. not me,
being alone became okay,
i can be successful if i set my mind to it,
life is truly beautiful;

Summer 2O1O was my teaching.
It gave me hope <3

can someone ever promise not to hurt you?
With or without words: your eyes said otherwise.

Part 2.

I'm kicking and screaming. Pulling a tantrum. Like the time you kicked him out of our home. All for different reasons now. Why am I so disappointed? I feel so let down. I'm losing all my defensives. I've run out of weapons to fight with. The guns pointed straight at me now. Just pull the trigger; it would hurt less.

Las noches .

A passion for the idea of getting to know you. Our cards, stories, directions have a different calling but I don't care. It's more than obvious that there's a lesson placed in front of me. A lesson that I hope to take on with me. I beg for no trials, no losses, no fails. Are you ready? Because here I go.

ADLP .

I have never found something so complex.
so creative.
so delirious.
so beautiful.
complicated.
imperfect.
twisted.
just like me.

and i am so afraid.