You silly little girls, you think Mr. Perfect is just gonna knock on your door and ask you to marry him. And you dumb-ass little boys, you think the first girl that reminds you of your mother, is gonna be the one to mother you. How silly both of you are. How unrealistic. How unreasonable. How optimistic. How much I envy you. Those ignorant few who still believe in love. I hope someone pees on your favorite pair of shoes. And I hope their expensive. And I hope its that really yellow kind of pee that you get when you don’t drink a lot of water… the guys know what I’m talking about. How I envy those who still believe in romance and how I envy those who couldn’t care less. It’s the in-between dweebs like myself, who really got it bad. Those who don’t ever really know what’s going on. Like you think you love someone, but than you don’t love them like ten minutes later and you wonder if it was really love or just really bad gas. What happens if you really like/love someone but due to some major influences or situations (family, religion, culture, religion, financial, religion) you are in, you are not able to be with that person. What if you could be with them but only under certain circumstances? What if those circumstances were so strict that it made it virtually impossible to actually participate in any kind of meaningful relationship? What if only one of you really cared to follow the rules that you both agreed on? What if you made plans to be with this person for the rest of your lives? What if only one of you actually agreed upon them? What if you were a stupid head and always loved what you couldn’t have? What if you just baited out your whole love life to hundreds of people that you may or may not know through a matrix device such as facebook, for example? What if Mr. Perfect actually strolled into your life and asked you to marry him? What if the first girl that reminded you of your mother, actually had the ability to mother you? Love really is a disease; it can only do wrong and forces people to do bad things, dumb things, things that they wouldn’t normally do under any other circumstance. It’s like a bad drug or a good drug depending on how you swing. I think I would like to be with her for the rest of my life, the only problem is we are way too young for such a serious commitment. Actually she claims to be way too young for a serious commitment, I’m all game. I should just kidnap her in the middle of the night and bring her to the Masjid with her one family representatives. Her four year old brother won’t even know what hit em. Sometimes I think she’s way to ghetto for me. Nothing against ghetto people, except that they tend to be annoying after a while, always involved in too much drama and have too many friends that are usually bad influences. I myself could be classified as a ghetto person which is why having another ghetto person would just screw everything up. She’s not as serious about religion as she wants to be. I’m not down with apathy and I need someone that really makes God a priority. She loves to shop. Too much. And I hate really pretty girls that are obsessed with the mall, like people who have $300 shoes on their feet and not enough change for bus fair. She’s one of those people, really bad with money and sometimes it’s gone before she gets it. Overall she’s pretty much a mess. Now that I think about it, I have no idea what we even have in common. Great, it’s settled than; I might as well cut off all communication with her immediately. I’m glad we had this conversation. My best friends are always the ones who don’t say a word and let me blab on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and O.k. you get the point. Plus in the eyes of religion, our relationship is somewhat not good. Very un-good to be exact. I mean it’s not like we do anything crazy out of line according to a kaffir mode of thinking, but still I sometimes feel guilty that we talk on the phone late or that sometimes we’ll hang out. I know this sounds very PG13 to some, but for the sake of any potential future we would have to be totally Halal. This stands out against my past like Malcolm X at a Klan meeting. I guess it’s never too late to start fresh and really try and live a more healthy and sovereign lifestyle. And to make it worse, she actually aggress with me. She’s cool with taking things extremely slow, and every time I try and get mad she is completely understanding. I hate her for that. I feel guilty even discussing my personal life over such a non-personal means but I do this only in the hopes that maybe people can learn from my experiences or understand what it feels like and maybe can relate to the idea of trying to have a healthy relationship. Nobody ever teaches us how to act civil around someone who you really care about, but by 13 years old I could snap off a bra off using Jedi mind tricks. She’s perfect. Honestly. As much as I try and down play how I feel, she has me weak. Brothers, I know sometimes we don’t like to admit it, but women have to ability to make or break us. In half, like twigs, if she is on your mind than you can’t really do anything. I’m supposed to be writing an essay on the way in which immigration is framed in the movie Men in Black, but instead I’m sitting here professing my love. And I’m sorry to all the sisters out there who I have ever lead on, but this is it, I’m officially resigning from the bachelor life. I want her, bad and forever. It’s a sickness I tell ya. I’ve never met someone so quick on their feet and her sense of humor makes conversation wicked all the time. She is caring and is the only person I will ever take advice from. I have never been so scared of someone in my life, not in like an abusive relationship kind of scared, but more like just of her rejecting me. I have made myself completely vulnerable, the first thing you should never do in war and this my friends has turned into dessert storm. Only now I’m just fighting for my dignity, I ain’t trying to go out like some sucker, but it’s almost too late. I don’t care what my friends or family think of her, it’s not like they would have anything to disagree over, but even if they did, I so wouldn’t listen. Everybody around me knows I can be stubborn, but for her I would tell the Sun to come back tomorrow. If she ever leaves me, I will just have to mutate into an asexual organism so that nobody will ever be able to take her place. I’m sorry for wasting your time with this. No big revolution talks from me today, just me being a KaKa brain and letting it all loose. You should try it sometime, it’s really refreshing. I should take the last few lines to perhaps promote something worthy, like maybe an upcoming show or a video clip of interest, but I’m too busy waiting for her to call me back. Do yourselves a favour, never fall in love.
/ Boona Mohammed
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