Can't.

i just wanna be enough. enough for you, enough for me.
i don't wanna question it anymore.
i am who i dream to be.
everything is everywhere but no where.
the way that i am; i want to love it.
see the core of me and guarantee me endless love.
i miss feeling alive.
intoxicated with embrace and gentle lips.

<3

"Lets play the humming game"

to think that you loved me. We use to be so close. We held each other together when everything around us was falling apart. I was so proud to call you blood. I protected you through everything. You were my joy. I was so determined to be the best at something.. anything! Just so you'd look up to me.

So what happened. Where did we fade? Because now that I need you, you tell me that you feel nothing for me. You don't get it. Nobody does. I feel as if i'm under you. I'm knocking on your window, i'm asking you to see me. Do me this solid. I need you this time. Save me from myself.

But you don't see me.
you don't love me.
you blame me upon other things.


We were inseperable. We had our own made up world.
Nothing could touch us. We refused for the bullshit to get in the way.

Now I've lost you to age and realism,
while i'm stuck being 7 years old.

I give up on this whole blue print.
Pathetic to think I had a chance.

This moment in time;

I wish for your body holding me tight in this bed as we listen to the words of our favorite band. I wish we'd go from strangers to friends and so forth. I wanna let you into my heart. I'll keep my eyes wide open. I promise not to blink. But I just want you to tell me you aren't going to save me but you are going to get me. I already loved you even before I knew you existed. Just when I had shaken hands with love and taken a new direction. I wish for the most gentle kiss. The most simple words. Then i'll know what it feels like to be awake.

Possiblities.

baby you're beautiful. I wish for the permission to give myself to you. But you are too close to comfort and that my friend is entering a territory too over populated for even you. I have faith you could save my life. I wish you'd put your pupils towards the focus. I would never let you down.


xox

The Skit.

It's all getting in the way because you have come into my life and blown me away. It's the little girl demonstrating how much strength she'll always have over the rest of my life. What rest of my life? It ended 12 years ago. Take it if it means so much to you. Just leave me alone!

she's a mess.
she's a mess.
she's a mess.
she's a mess.
she's a ?

The Fame.

Outside i'm presentable. I come off up pretty main stream.
The moment I open my mouth you second guess me.
Then there's the moment I let a secret slip.
After a few too many drinks the monster unleashes.
I'm not what appears to be.
Behind the shutters I fall apart.
I have a story that I don't even know the ending to.
There are scars in between my curves.
Bruises on top of laugh lines.
Tears tangled within my hair.
I come off clean but my front is cheap.
My drive in being normal is unrealistic.
This is who I am.
These memories.
These men.
These rejections.
These addictions.

I wouldn't have it anyway.
Disaster is what I call home.