faceoff .

i take a breath. You're sitting in front of me. Waiting for me to speak. I have nothing to say to you that I haven't said to the wind a thousand times. "We both got ourselves here." I push the gun right back to you. You already know how sorry I am. Don't try to push anymore guilt out of me. You know my biggest payment is still loving you as much as I did a year ago. You guilt trip me again. I can feel myself believing. "Do you know how hard it was to let you go, Melina?" Please don't insult my guts reasoning: You never cared. "You never gave me something to fight for. Now I found you with somebody else!" I moved on. Those were your instructions. Our pupils can not part. I still feel like the girl riding in tea cups. Getting high off of love, climaxing on your chase. All I can do is smile at you. Grab your hand, kiss you for the very last time. Kiss you like i've never shared one with you. So gently, so pure, so true. "I'll always love you. You know that. But you'll never have nothing over me". I stand up, take all the bullets out of your game of roulette.

"After you"

"I love you even with the time that has past us by"

you pin me to this bed, duck tape my mouth, grab me by my neck. I'm trying to scream, shake in my bed. But i can't. You're already in between my legs. My shirt has been ripped off.

You're ready. You're about to implant your disease into me. You inject your memory into me one more night. My fears coming through in my dreams. Sad part is.. When I wake, I wish I never had to face reality. I can smell you, feel you, taste you.

What's the point of not talking about you again? I still fucking LOVE you !

FACT.

don't run away from it. Don't bury it. Don't try to produce a different reality getting all strung out on something, or eating your way through your feelings. don't slash your wrists. Just deal with it, because it's going to keep coming back if you continue living anyway. it's painful, but you just have to keep going. It's just part of life, really.

bullshit .

F U C K Y O U .

3/8

Having so many names crossed on my list. i wonder.. if the way i've changed men has just become a habit. Patterns that are a turn off done purposely in order to have an order of eviction. All i'm trying to say is, it's catching up to me. I'm losing count of how many. Not the ones I spend remarkable nights with that make me forget a recent love or a terrible episode of tragedy but rather the ones that's names have left my lips in exhales of lust. Nights i'll never forget, Journey's to places I never thought existed, stimulated every little molecule in my body. You've brought me back from the dead. Sharing the obvious; i have never been able to let you go. . It's not because you still grown cherry trees inside of me or water my hard earned garden. Because your body has been molded into mine. Finding a place every time it knocks on my door for a visit. Your bed is still unmade, your colon still sitting on my dresser. It's like i'm expecting you. Knowing you will come back. Door knob turns. Hold my breath with your dress shirt on-nothing else, sitting on this floor. Take a journey with me. Let me embark above your canvas.

Fit.

I'm ready. Pretty dead set on it. I mean, all i'm waiting for is to be claimed. But I promise. No doubt about it that when you claim me in this lost and found i'll be prepared. I won't ever look back. Until then. Here I am.. feet gripped to this floor no way what so ever to make a run for the exit. I'm having my fun, exciting myself with old habits. But I swear my profile is legit: I have come a long way. You'll see once you take a chance on me. It's not possible to ignore. Just note: I may not know my way around your room at first but that will take less than no time to figure out. I'm gonna master the qualifications so you fall in love with me millions and millions of times over and over again. You won't face your self worth or ego. I'm gonna be set for you. Gonna come wrapped in shiny gold paper and tied in glittery ribbon. You'll memorize my wrinkle lines, worship every sound I exhale, claim every nourishment I leak. I'll fall in love with your smile, I'm gonna mother your story, and trust me, i'll guard your heart. I'm ready. Pretty dead set on it. I mean, all i'm waiting for is to be claimed.

-M

Confirmed.

It's the memory. Now, i just feel too comforted to move. I have a strong feeling things are gonna get ugly. I stepped out of bound. Wish me luck!