What a girl wants.

I just want someone to blow my mind.

To make me question everything I have ever thought had limitation. I want to feel the way I did when I was six: dancing on my dads shoes and feeling most special. I want bedtime stories about your life the same way my mother would repeat the lullaby's her mother sang to her. i want to give all these life lessons the finger. The same way I did when girlfriends become fake, insecure, "bitch ass" girls. I want my ribs to feel as if they're collapsing just like two summers ago when I would unload all my obstacles and oppression to the most beautiful people you I consider to be family,they would love you so patiently. I'd like to consider loving someone just as much as I could obtain to. I want to kiss my husband with the same passion I give my music, my writing, my broken heart, my drive for travel.

I hate the trials
as much as i loved

Don't ever let someone in if the feeling isn't mutual.
It takes two.
If they aren't committed from the get go, they aren't going to be afterwards.
Spare yourself some heartache and self esteem too.

Just the other day we were taking shots, getting high, dancing in our pain.
We are strangers now, I don't even know what signature perfume you wear anymore.

Trust issues. Somewhere inside I know I have them.
I just don't act upon them.

It's costing me my sanity.

Blissful thinking.

Home has no residence.
It doesn't sit within your core, It's not with a lover.
It isn't within these walls.
Home is a phony lie that we buy into.
Because nothing can ever feel that safe.
Hands will stay wake your body up at night, words will continue to smash into you.
Hate will continue to take over your veins.
Home was a lie manufactured by those who needed something to believe in.
People like me.

#5

In another life.

Take me by the hand and never let it go. Not until it's safe on these stepping stones. Look into my eyes and swear to me that I'll get there-Wherever there is.

I just wanna close my eyes and hear the current, step away from all the noise. Break in laughter until my ribs hurt & for you to love me with everything you have as if your entire future depends upon it.
Touch my body like you've never claimed territory on a woman, whisper stories into my ears as I fall asleep molded within your arms.

Just Love me for no reason at all but with everything you own.

#4

Tea and baby kitties.

Sometimes I get worried that i won't be able to become the woman I've long to be. No matter how much work gets put into it. It tends to feel as if some sort of balance will always lack in some shape or form. But I won't settle either. I can't do that neither.
It's an in between that's getting broader and stronger.
I can admit, i'm very nervous.

#3

#2

Remember when the new kid in school was the new shiny toy? and everyone just wanted to know everything about this foreign creature?
Yeah, that's what you make her look like.
I'm last years news.

#1

Toxic Romance.

I'm sitting here like an idiot: Obsessing over the status of a human low life.
All I can think of is how much time doesn't heal some pain that's cut way too deep.
So it makes me to stop and wonder; have I changed at all?

I'm sitting here holding back tears. To this day, your name can still make me stutter, and your image can make me fearful. Your voice can still be mimicked and I can still play the same lost girl.

So when its all said and done..
When i've spent countless hours telling doctors, friends, lovers between sheets your story. What good has it done to "express the pain". If it still shingles me just as much?

It just feels like false hope.
and the last little bit has gone down the gutter.

Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)

You get tossed the same bone to catch, wouldn't you just know not to go running like a lost puppy out the door?
Wouldn't you know better than to go chasing old stupid fetch games.
Couldn't you just let the bitch herself go chasing her own tail instead?