Peeling Layers.

We laughed, no matter what we laughed together.
We use to also play, a lot.
Adolescence hit us maybe, or the story got so twisted it never was the same.
You and I can't even sit in a room together without somebody ending up walking out.
Does the truth hurt too much to hear now? Or can we not stomach one another?
I remember this one moment in time: tucking sheets within our bunk bed poles, making a fort.
You sneaked snacks from mom's secret cabinet, gave me my favorite flavor of starbursts. I smiled at you and turned the flashlight right into your face. I think you called me a fool for doing that haha. Remember the time you destroyed dads record player and you got away with it? Oh boy, was he upset. What I always remember is the love I had for you. You are about the only thing in my life that is untouched, the only thing they didn't get to. Maybe i'm a little jealous, possibly a little intimidated. I don't understand how I have years on top of you and you still came out brighter. However, I am so overjoyed with love and honor when I see who you are. I just wish you had never let my hand go. You didn't underneath bed sheets when we were seven, you didn't through turns in race car tracks. Not even when I walked you to school.
I had no idea how much blood could call one another.
Mine's been calling your name for some time now.
Can you feel it too?

Dreams-they are my reality.
I don't look forward to anything as much as I do to sleep lately.
I can escape with you. I can have you how I want to. No time line, no restrictions, no past love stories.
Dreams-feed absolutely what I'm missing.
You.

matter over mind.

I'm not sure if something was born tonight or maybe it was there all along waiting to come to life. Waiting to be triggered.
Well, guess what.
The alarm sounded and It came to life.
Quite deep within my veins, infecting parts of my body that I had no idea still had movement.
Somewhere deep within my human self, I found a dark place where I could rip myself a part from the inside out without any pain at all. With no evidence of wounds. A place that can heal itself time after time. Cut after cut. A place where no brain can captivate a memory or a history.
I don't know if I should blame ya
or should I thank ya.

Could ya be more phony?

The minds not busy enough on what matters.
That is why there continues to be space for the unwanted.
Traps set up to hold together bad memories, forgotten faces, and heavy words.
what matters is the intention you had going into situations, acceptance that was sincere, and beliefs that touched many hearts.
It doesn't matter to me anymore whether you bash my name, didn't grant my honors. It doesn't even matter if you got lost in translation and twisted my words. My heart always went in with a good intention, with love and acceptance. The fact that you couldn't see that doesn't fall under my jurisdiction. What you have to say about me behind my back isn't even my business. But a suggestion to the sinner who's just as much of a sinner as myself, who feels entitle to judge me: I'd wash my dirty mouth with soap after the profanity you lash and the hypocritical smile you offer me. I'll pray for you because at this point, you need it more than anybody.

Do you remember how to love?
The most important thing that you could ever love?
Because there sure is enough room for these roots to take a leap.
I am more than sure that cherry blossoms can reproduce, and sun flowers can share the same space too.

"Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way"

Sometimes it's better to not forget.
If I did, i'd let you off too easily from your shame.
You deserve to be reminded of the present agony.

I rose to fame.
As fast as I went up, I came crashing down with a huge thump.
It's safe to say, I'm not cut out for the limelight.
I suppose it's time to go back to basics.
Twisted roots, second hand clothes, Same old song on repeat as yesterday.

Be my hero.

Ready little girl? I'm holding on with you through these tea cup spins, the roller coaster, and ill steer on these bumper cars. I've got you when you scrape your knees, and through broken hearts. I can't promise I won't make mistakes but ill try to remember that we are entitle to imperfect moments. I'll walk you down the aisle, sing sweet words into your ears. I'm gonna try to be there every step of the way.

Critters of the night.

I count the hours until sundown as i watch the sun say goodbye to another day. Something about summer nights that are rapidly turning into fall amuses me. There's this sudden peace that takes over my core.
Stars slowly begin to fill the sky and the moon looks reachable tonight. A warm cup of tea and some scripts are my calling for this bittersweet moment. This moment that has me so mind bottled. I begin wishing on shooting stars and staring at the big dipper in amazement. This is truly too beautiful for me to captivate. Beauty that i am not familiar with lately.
Could it stay like this forever? In this moment where I can take in fully who I am and what everything's become? Where sitting with myself, my emotions, my stories, and my failures isn't as painful? Because something about these summer nights makes my existence a little bit easier. Without the sun, without the noise, without the pressures of everyday routines. But it's not that accessible. For now, i might just have to keep pulling on these drags, and editing these drafts, and keep sipping on earl grey teas. For now, it's all that lets me push through. Until I wait for a better tomorrow.

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high .. .

Sing me the same lullaby.

I've never been so ashamed of hurting like i am.
I have never been so ashamed of admitting that i have learned nothing.
but what makes me so ashamed is to know that you know i am aching and you are willing to watch it as long as i don't slip away from the tips of your fingers.
that, is beyond me.